The Kutcher-Moores

I stumbled upon Ashton Kutcher's Myspace this afternoon. A caption on one of his pictures reads "28 with a step daughter in college? who'd a thunk it"

He's not just some schlub Mom married, he's a 30 year old underwear model for Christ's sake. There's no way she lets him walk around the house in his Calvin Klein's. If I was Mom I'd be locking everyones doors. I can't even begin to wrap my head around this. I also can't wait for the tell-all memoir.

WTF Happened To - #1

I was distinguishing Die Hard from Die Hard 2 by explaining to a friend that the second Die Hard is the one with the limo. "It doesn't take place in a limo" they said. "No, there's just one it" I responded. Then I thought to myself; takes place in a limo, what a great idea for a movie! Almost as thrilling as Phone Booth taking place in a phone booth. Which lead me to the question:
WTF happened to Colin Farrell?













I haven't seen him in a long time considering movie star years, which are similar to dog years. Did he die from alcohol poisoning? Syphilis perhaps? Oh, right -- Miami Vice. What a turd that was. Beautiful cinemetogpahy wasted on bad actors breathily reciting horribley-written dialogue. It turns out that he is still alive and is apparently starring in movies that I haven't heard of.

UPDATE: Thanks to Wikipedia, I have now been informed that painkillers are his poison and not alcohol as previously stated. In other old news, it appears Colin has a penchant for being polite to prostitutes and having bastard children. He also bought a homeless man in Toronto an apartment, took him on a $3000 shopping-spree and convinced him to stop drinking. Mazal tov!

Lakeview Terrace

My review of Lakeview Terrace: Bonerific.












Patrick Wilson gives me a total boner.
You know, like a chick boner.

Skivvy Scheme/Bloomer Blueprint/Drawer Diagram/Lingerie Layout/Panty Platform

The Natural Evolution of the Male Undergarment

1. Diaper
learns to not pee himself
2. Briefs
realizes tighty whities are lame
3. Boxers
realizes boxers are impractical
4. Boxer briefs
no longer trying to impress anyone
5. Briefs
forgets to not pee himself
6. Diaper

Honourable Alternates:
The Union Suit/Long Johns
The Thong/G-String
The Manssiere/Bro
The Tallit Katan
The Kaccha

Livid Letterman

David Letterman is pissed. He is NOT cool with climate change. In the immortal words of Freddie Mercury "Get on your bikes and ride!"





(Earth is mourning the loss of polar bears and Party Ice.)