Things I've Bought That I Love #3

Yesterday I purchased Michael Ian Black's latest literary effort My Custom Van: And 50 Other Mind-Blowing Essays That Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face. I rationalized paying $29.39 by reminding myself that he is a struggling artist with a family to feed. The Coles employee also informed me that "He's funny."

I got to the ninth page and thought to myself "Wooo take 'er easy! You're burnin' through this book like wildfire! Baby steps girl, baby steps. You keep goin' and there's no tellin' how fast you'll finish this thing!" So I've read nine pages. Here's a scented candle/genital comparison excerpted from the book: "Everybody loves a good scented candle. Scented candles are to people's nostrils what friction is to their genitals-in other words, terrific."

Things I've Bought That I Love #2

Today I went to Coles to look for Michael Ian Black and Kevin Nealon's new books. I had already picked up Kevin Nealon's, flipped through it and set it back down when I realized it was $28.95 a week prior. So I found Michael Ian Black's and checked the sleeve to see it was $29.95. My previous night's earnings would not cover either of these. (By the way, they certainly were NOT 34% off. Damn you Indigo.ca) I guess I'm going to have to get into a more lucrative business than babysitting. That or wait 6 months until they're released in soft cover. This was all very depressing so I decided to look for clothes, which turned out to be even more depressing. Until I found some wicked jeans for a mere $7.99.

Things I've Bought That I Love #1

Today I went cherry picking. We walked around a bit until we found some bunches near the bottoms of the trees which were mildly sweet and a little too soft. Luckily I overheard the woman who raped us of our $35 say that the firmer cherries were in the first couple of rows. It takes a keen eye to spot the good ones. By keen eye I mean long legs because they are all at the top of the trees. Since my Dad doesn't have long legs he climbed instead. Here are the fruits of our labour. LITERALLY!

I also bought these earrings.

Things I've Bought That I Love

I will be starting a series of posts which are inspired by Vera Chokalingam/Mindy Kaling/Mindy Ephron/Kelly Kapoor/whatever other pseudonyms she goes by.

I will review my recent purchases, whether wise or unwise, with a clever, sardonic twist. Brace yourselves.

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