I Believed In Them

No rain, no heat, no humidity, no problem. Perfect night.
SLOOOOO-OOOOOAN

Believe In Them

I've been watching Toronto news stations and obsessively checking weather sites hoping for a chance that it won't rain tonight. Sloan are playing a free show at BMO Field and I have the GO Train schedules all figured out. They play so many shows around where I live, many of them free, I just can't believe I still haven't seen them. So am I willing to stand in the rain (thunderstorms) with a bunch of drunk guys yelling at the stage? I wasn't 100% sure until I just turned the channel to see the new Believe In Me video. I'm convinced.

Dinner Dilemma

We've all been there. It's Friday night, it's getting late, you're hungry. There's nothing in the house to eat--time for some take-out. You've had pizza three times this week, you're sick of it. So here's the quandary: KFC or Chinese? Well now you don't have to choose. In case the image isn't clear, those are chopsticks and fortune cookies. The green tea has a distinct Asian vibe as well.
Delicious.

Things I've Bought That I Love #2

Today I went to Coles to look for Michael Ian Black and Kevin Nealon's new books. I had already picked up Kevin Nealon's, flipped through it and set it back down when I realized it was $28.95 a week prior. So I found Michael Ian Black's and checked the sleeve to see it was $29.95. My previous night's earnings would not cover either of these. (By the way, they certainly were NOT 34% off. Damn you Indigo.ca) I guess I'm going to have to get into a more lucrative business than babysitting. That or wait 6 months until they're released in soft cover. This was all very depressing so I decided to look for clothes, which turned out to be even more depressing. Until I found some wicked jeans for a mere $7.99.

Computer Calamity

If I'm absent for an extended period of time it's due to my computer exploding. It's quite old in computer years, which are similar to dog years, and I've gotten off pretty easy--I don't even remember the last time I had a problem with it besides this afternoon. If it does explode I will not only be away beacause it no longer functions but because I will be in mourning. Woe is me.

Things I've Bought That I Love #1

Today I went cherry picking. We walked around a bit until we found some bunches near the bottoms of the trees which were mildly sweet and a little too soft. Luckily I overheard the woman who raped us of our $35 say that the firmer cherries were in the first couple of rows. It takes a keen eye to spot the good ones. By keen eye I mean long legs because they are all at the top of the trees. Since my Dad doesn't have long legs he climbed instead. Here are the fruits of our labour. LITERALLY!

I also bought these earrings.

Things I've Bought That I Love

I will be starting a series of posts which are inspired by Vera Chokalingam/Mindy Kaling/Mindy Ephron/Kelly Kapoor/whatever other pseudonyms she goes by.

I will review my recent purchases, whether wise or unwise, with a clever, sardonic twist. Brace yourselves.

http://thingsiboughtthatilove.com/

An Open Letter To John Cusack

Hey how's it going? You should give me a call sometime! You've got my number right? You don't? Oh, well I'm pretty sure I've got yours around here somewhere... shit I think I lost it. Oh, that's right, you never gave it to me. Yeah I remember now, we've never even met. Give me a call anyways, I'm up for anything.

Dear Dad

What do you mean I can't move in with him? Are you kidding me? Who are you to tell me what I'm not allowed to do? I mean what have you ever done for me? A house with only two bathrooms? Come on! What a joke! When I was five you wouldn't even get me that Barbie Jeep I wanted, and you have the temerity to tell me that an eighteen year age difference isn't "right?" Look who's talking! I'm supposed to listen to someone who once went out with a sophomore when they were a senior? Gross!

Rhinoplasty

So I've been looking into rhinoplasty. I can't afford it, but my face sure can. Seriously though, I've looked at dozens of before and afters and I honestly haven't seen any noses wider than mine. Longer sure, there's plenty of boner noses but no brotherman novelty-width noses. The tip of your nose isn't supposed to be wider than your thumb, is it? I definitely know you shouldn't be able to fit two fingers up each nostril but I can. It gets the job done quicker.











Congratulations! Your new nose looks great!

This isn't a laughing matter. Let's get one thing straight. I don't have low self esteem. I have no self esteem. There's a big difference. Almost as big as my nose. I also don't have body dysmorhpic disorder. My nose is large. It's a fact. Another thing I noticed was that in the before pictures you couldn't see up the person's nose without trying. I am guilty of that. You should see me when I frown.

Many a times I've tried to convince my Mom to punch me in the face or my Dad to veer off the road and get into a serious accident to no avail. Even now as I look at pictures of me as a baby and a young child I notice it. Big blue eyes, sure, but the nose of a full-grown black man. I feel like Angela Chase. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll grow up to be just like Claire Danes. Blonde and super-skinny. Like rib-cage-instead-of-cleavage skinny. Maybe, just maybe...

My Favourite Baldwin

I'll start off by saying that it's not Stephen. The born-again brother creeps me out, with all of his talk of Deuteronomy. Furthermore, he got really fat and sweaty. Though I do commend him for supporting Huckabee. Those comments about the concentration camps were a real hoot.

Alec. I like Alec. I think. Why couldn't he just go by Alex, it would be much easier.

Daniel. What's there to say about Daniel? His best work to date is his time spent in rehab. God Bless Dr. Drew.

And the other one--what's his nose. No one cares about him. Was it him that no one cares about or Daniel? Oh, that's right, William. The least scandalous of them all, how boring.

In conclusion and in summation my favourite Baldwin is Tito.

Piano Chords

Why are you so hard? All I wanted to do was pick a percussion setting on my keyboard so I could make some beats. Is that so wrong? Is it so out of the question to have a good beat to spit over? I guess so.

Now I probably won't even be able to pursue my rap career because I can't afford an MPC. Besides, even if I did turn tricks and saved up the money to buy one, I still couldn't get anywhere, because you probably need "a basic understanding of music composition to create anything that actually sounds like music" or something stupid like that. Instead I need to take years of "lessons." Forget it!

Do you think Too $hort made it in this business because he "practised?" No way! He just woke up one day and thought it would be cool to be a rapper and has been stuck in the game ever since! You think Biggie took lessons? He's dead! I'd like to see piano chords help him now!

I'm Thinking About Getting Horseshoes

I often find my feet sore -- traditional peopleshoes just don't seem to adequately protect my feet from everyday wear and tear. This leads me to believe I would be much more comfortable with horseshoes.

I'm not sure whether I would prefer the glued-on-to the foot or the nailed-into the foot kind. Of course choosing the latter brings up the age-old question 'Do I need studs?' If so, I would then have to get myself a set of bell boots to protect my heels.

I am definitely putting the fashion aspect of picking out a pair of horseshoes into consideration. Although rawhide is becoming increasingly popular these days, I much prefer the classic steel/aluminium style. They seem to go great with every outfit!

In any case, I will need to find a professional to install them. Hit me up if you know of anyone who specializes in horseshoe fittings.